


Breathe Me

by Herbeloved82, sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drama, During Canon, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-28
Updated: 2010-11-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 10:17:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8746414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herbeloved82/pseuds/Herbeloved82, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: This is a story that I'm writing with VampireLord. Every day we take turns writing for 30 mins and hope that it all matches up.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

  
Author's notes: Trying my hand at a co authored fic. Let me know what you think. Sam is 15, Dean is 19.  


* * *

Sam let the door snick back into the lock slowly. He held his breath, and waited. It didn’t appear to have woken up Dean or his father. He blew out his breath softly. Now all he had to do was make it to his bed undetected. He put his foot down, and paused, before putting his other one in front of it. His hole burned and ached so bad he wanted to cry out but the last thing that he wanted was for Dean or his father to discover what happened tonight. 

 

He lifted his leg again, and smacked right into his bed. Goddamn it! That fucking hurt. He bit his lip, and bent over. The pain his ass making him stand right backup again straighter than a poker. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! A whimper escaped him before he could hold it back. He squeezed his eyes tight, and prayed. Please don’t wake up! Please don’t wake up! 

 

Dean stirred in his bed causing Sam’s heartbeat to race. Dean will know. If he sees him right now he’ll know. He stayed as still as a statue waiting to see if he was caught. Dean rolled over, and fell back in deep sleep. Sam made a mental promise to attend church on Sunday. 

 

He tried again to bend over to feel for the bed beside him. He ended up at a damn awkward angle but at least he managed to feel where it was, and get in. He sank into the mattress biting his lip so he wouldn’t scream. He was on his back. He hated sleeping on his back but he’d be goddamned if he was moving anymore. On his back he will stay till dawn. It’s not like he’s going to be getting any sleep anyway. 

 

He closed his eyes, and saw him. They flew back open, and stared into the darkness. He was such a fucking idiot. Dean was going to kill him when he found out. He’s be lucky if Dean didn’t disown him. He wouldn’t blame him if he told him never to call him his brother again. He was dirty now. He felt so fucking dirty. He shut his eyes again feeling the sting of his tears. He’d been so fucking stupid!

 

“Sammy?” 

 

Dean’s voice startled him. Oh my god! Had he been making noises? How did he know that he’s awake? Sam held his breath hoping that he’d just go back to sleep.

 

“Did you have a bad dream Sammy?” Dean asked, sleepily. Sam cursed in his head. It seems he did make noises. Damn!

 

“When did you get home?” Dean asked. He sounded a lot more awake than a moment ago. Sam knew that meant that he hadn’t been asleep for long. Damn! Damn! Damn!

 

He just about crawled out of his skin feeling Dean get into his bed. Usually when he did just have a nightmare, Dean getting in bed with him was warm, and comforting but not now. Now he didn’t want to be touched. Dean’s arm wrapped around him, and pulled him close. Sam stiffened against him but didn’t fight him.

 

“Ssssssh it’s ok Sammy.” Dean said soothingly into his hair. “I’ll keep the monsters away.” Sam felt himself come apart. He was too late. A monster already got to him, and hut him bad. He feel into his big brother, and let himself weep for everything he’d lost tonight. His innocence, his security, his self respect, his dignity, his voice. Dean held him close until he faded into sleep’s waiting arms.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn’t long before the nightmares caught Sam. 

 

He was back in a filthy bar, he could smell too old beer, and smoke all around him, and above all he could smell again their breath, heavy with too much alcohol. 

 

He knew he wasn’t supposed to be there. He was too young, and in truth he felt totally out of place, Dean would be furious just because he put a feet in a place like that, but he wanted to feel older. He knew for sure Dean had fake id’s since before he was his age, so why not him too? But he wasn’t Dean, and he was learning that, fast. 

 

“Come on Sam, you know I love you, and you know you want this too!” No, he didn’t want that. He was not ready, and above all he didn’t love him, not even close. He had come there tonight to tell him just that.

 

William kissed him, hard. Sam could feel his hands run all over his body, could feel his fingers fight with his shirt and pants. Sam tried to fight him back, tried to tell him to stop. He didn’t want that. Didn’t want to be used against the wall of a smelly men’s room. Not his first time for fuck sake. 

 

“Stop William. Just stop it now!” Sam looked in his boyfriend’s eyes and read the guilt there. He was sure he could understand people well. Was sure of that. 

 

“I’m sorry Sam, I don’t know what happened to me. I’m sorry…”

 

How many time Sam heard about abuser apologising with their victims? How many times had Dean, and John warned him against that kind of behaviour? Sam knew well how many kinds of monsters were out there, and more than once they had a case that they thought was hiding a demon inside of a human being. He knew well, and still he gave William his back, and reached for the door. 

 

Sam found himself against the opposite wall. His head hurt so much that he didn’t even fight when William dragged him in one of the empty stalls closing the door behind him, and pressing Sam against it. 

 

“I’m tired of your attitude Sam. Always the perfect one, always the untouchable one. You are my boyfriend Sam, and you’ll give me what I want.”

 

Sam tried to fight again, harder this time, because the fear told him to run, to find a way to escape and go where he knew he was safe. Dean. He wanted his big brother. He wanted to be with him and feel safe like always Dean was able to make him feel. 

 

Sam cried out aloud, fighting against the darkness, and the monster hiding there. He hit something, and panic start to rise inside him. He wanted Dean. Where was Dean? Why wasn’t he there to make him feel safe, to make the monster go away? 

 

“Sam…”

 

No. Not again that name. Not again him…

 

“Sam! Sam! Come on little brother I’m here. Dean is here. You are safe Sam. Calm down, you are safe Sammy!”

 

Sam passed from the nightmare to his brother’s arms in a few seconds, but for the first time he was not safe. Not totally at least. He knew he couldn’t tell Dean what had happened. He knew he was dirty and had been used, and if Dean would have ever found the truth he would have hated him because of his weakness. 

 

Dean had taught him how to fight. He had taught him never to let his guard down. So why wasn’t he been able to protect himself? Why did he let William touch him?

 

A wave of nausea took Sam by surprise and he ran for the bathroom and locked the door a second before he emptied the contents of his stomach on the floor. 

 

Dean was looking at his empty arms. He already missed Sam’s warmness close to his body. He knew. He knew that something happened to his baby brother. Something bad. He had no idea what, but he swore to a God somewhere high in the sky that he would have found out, because no one, human or supernatural, could hurt his Sammy and live long enough to tell the story. 

 

Dean’s protective instinct kicked in full force. He could feel the beast inside him, the thing that rose every time during the hunt, roar and fight to come out. The beast wanted blood, and Dean would have satisfied it with pleasure, but first, he had to understand what had happened tonight.

 

Sam came out from the bathroom, and looked nervously at Dean, a part of him didn’t want to go back into his arms, he knew he wasn’t worth anymore that place, but the bigger and stronger part of his mind wanted his big brother close. Sam curled up on the bed, letting Dean tuck him in under the blankets.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam opened his eyes in the morning to find Dean looking at him. Sam avoided his gaze, and tried to act cool. John got up, took their orders for breakfast, and left. 

 

“So…” Dean said, as soon as John closed the door behind him. Sam didn’t answer for a moment to see if Dean would just let it go. He felt Dean’s foot nudge his leg, and he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Dean never let anything go. He was like a dog with a bone.

 

“So…” Sam said, and shrugged. There was always the stupid card. Sometimes Sam really liked playing the stupid card. He was a little brother after all.

 

“Don’t treat me like an idiot Sammy!” Dean warned. Sam frowned. Why couldn’t it be possible to act an idiot without treating Dean like he was one?

 

“What are you talking about?” Sam asked him, defensively. Dean gave him a who in the hell do you think you’re kidding look. Sam held his poker face staring at him stupidly.

 

“How much did they take you for?” Dean asked. Now Sam really was looking stupid. He was lost.

 

“What?” Dean raised his eyebrows, and scoffed.

 

“Money Sammy. How much money did they take you for?” Dean asked again, impatiently. Sam was trying to figure out what he was talking about when it clicked in his brain. Dean thought that he’d been robbed last night. Sam was no idiot. He knew straight away that letting Dean think this would keep him away from the truth.

 

“How did you?” He asked, feigning shock. He looked away, and shrugged. “Not much.” He confessed. “A little over fifty.” In truth he still had all his money but his brother didn’t need to know that right now. Dean cursed under his breath.

 

“Did you get a good look at them?” Dean asked, angrily. Sam panicked. He couldn’t send his brother out after make believe thiefs. He shook his head.

 

“It was dark, no street light.” He said, sadly. He was so fucked if Dean asked him to take him back to where it happened. What the hell would he do then? Dean growled pulling him close.

 

“Sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you Sammy.” Dean soothed him. Sam’s stomach curled. He remembered wanting Dean there to save him from the monster that came out of the dark. He clung to his big brother tightly. 

 

“But at least they didn’t hurt you bad right?” Dean said, softly. Sam didn’t miss the hope that was in his voice. He shook his head against Dean’s face.

 

“No they didn’t.” He assured him. Sam felt sick but what else could he say? Dean held him tight, and stroked his back lovingly. Sam held on, never wanting to leave the safety, and comfort of his big brother. All too soon Dean pulled back.

 

“We need to get a shower before dad gets back.” Dean told him. Sam frowned nodding. Life goes on. There are more monsters to hunt, more people to save. Sam started to get out of bed feeling the pain shoot through him again. He glanced at Dean who was watching him curiously.

 

“They gave you a good going over huh?” Dean asked. Sam sucked in a deep breath. Great job Sam hiding it! God what the hell was he going to tell his father? He’d want blood, and when John Winchester wanted blood the devil himself couldn’t stop him. 

 

“Did the leave many bruises?” Dean asked him, gently. Sam grimaced. He had no idea if William had left any marks on him or not. The thought that he was marked by a monster in any way repulsed him. He didn’t want anything of William left on him. Dean took hold of his hand, and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt. Sam stared at his wrist in disbelief. He had finger mark bruises there and on his arm. 

 

“Did one of them hold your hands together?” Dean asked, running his fingers over the purple marks. Sam shook his head dumbly. Dean looked at him puzzled. Sam swallowed. He so did not want to lie to Dean. 

 

“I don’t remember.” He said, stupidly. Dean’s expression turned to disbelief.

 

“You don’t remember if they held your hands together?” Dean asked. Sam pulled his arm back abruptly. 

 

“What the hell is this an inquisition?” He snapped. Dean’s eyes widened. Sam turned away, and headed toward the bathroom. He knew he was walking slow, and awkward but he was jumped and roughed up a bit right? Ah fuck it! He slammed the bathroom door behind him. Let him think whatever he wants! He’ll never know the truth. 

 

Sam undressed as fast as he could which in truth wasn’t very fast at all. He dropped all his clothes on the floor, and stepped into the hot shower. It felt so good and relaxing that Sam moaned. He dropped his head back, and let his problems slip away for a little while.


	4. Chapter 4

John returned with breakfast, but he needed just one look to understand that the guys needed time alone together. Dean had the gaze in the eyes he saw only during an hunt, and didn’t ask questions. His older son would have told him in time. 

 

Sam came out from the bathroom fully clothed. Dean was still there, looking at him with his beautiful green eyes, and once again Sam felt loved and warm inside. Only because that gaze full of love was for him and him alone. He felt so unworthy, but in the same time so happy to still have that part of Dean all for himself. 

 

In the shower he thought about what might happen if Dean ever found out. It was so hard imagine his brother looking at him with disgust, and hate. So hard to hear his harsh words. His mind loved to play with him, so much. It gave him a full movie. 

 

“So, you liked it Sammy? You liked to be fucked as a cheap whore in a smelly bathroom?”

 

Oh yes, The Dean in his mind used the same tone he would have used for a demon, during a hunt. For something he hated and that was unworthy the breath used to tell the sentence. Sometimes Sam really thought that his mind hated him. 

 

“Sammy? Your breakfast will be cold in no time if you don’t eat it!”

 

Dean patted the bad, gesturing him to come closer and eat as they were used to do, sitting together with their knees touching. That was the best thing to eat in a motel room, you could do that on the bad and no one would to tell you not to. Dean loved those moments with his baby brother, but right now he needed Sam close for another reason. 

 

He could read Sam like an open book. Sam was unaware of that, and Dean used this capacity at his full advantage. He wanted to look at Sam’s eyes, read his soul and discover what his baby brother was keeping from him. Dean knew well that Sam was acting strange. It was a long time since the moment his baby brother stopped to need privacy from his eyes. 

 

He wasn’t an exhibitionist, but never has he been so shy to feel the need to change behind closed doors. Maybe the bastards who robbed him the night before left some marks on his baby brother, and if that was the reason Sam was acting like that… he would discover how badly hurt his brother really was, no matter what.

 

Why his Sammy was keeping that from him? That was a whole new question, and he would have had an answer soon. Something inside was screaming to Dean that his brother was more hurt than he knew, was screaming to him to grab him and force the answers out of him, but Dean knew better than listen to that part of himself outside from a hunt. He knew well that the part of him that was screaming now was the beast, something that was born inside him the night his father put baby Sammy in his arms telling him to protect his brother. Something dark and dangerous that woke up only if Sammy was in danger or hurt. 

 

“Dean? You look so far away…”

 

Sam’s voice sounded afraid. Was it possible that his baby brother felt what was waking inside him and was afraid of that, of him? It would have been the first time ever, and Dean really hated that possibility. Dean looked at Sam and saw only concern in his eyes. No fear. He let go the breath he didn’t know he‘d been holding.

 

“Don’t worry Sammy. I’m just tired. So what do you want to do after breakfast?”

 

John was following a demonic lead he picked up in town, so Sam knew they would be staying for a long time, at least until John found what he was looking for. Sam thought for a few moments before to find something he really wanted to do. He needed to keep his mind empty from the horror, and he knew what could help him. He loved the sea. Always loved that, and the only good thing that the town had to offer was the seashore. 

 

“Can we go to the sea Dean?”

 

Dean looked at his brother with concern. It was a long time he didn’t hear the boyish tone in his voice. For a moment he had the sensation he was looking at the child his brother once was, not at the teen he was now. 

 

“Of course we can. Just give me a moment in the bathroom and we’ll go!”

 

Sam was collecting the empty plates when he realised he left his clothes on the bathroom floor. He looked at the closed door with terrified eyes, and waited for Dean to come out.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean came out from the bathroom after long, excruciating minutes, with his beautiful smile still on, so Sam wondered if he was worried for no reason; maybe they really could have a good time at the sea, have fun, and Dean could keep the monster away. He could avoid the truth for a few more hours, and in truth it was all he wanted. 

 

They drove in a comfortable silence, and Sam didn’t think that Dean’s silence could hiding something more. The monster in Dean was screaming with rage and fury. So it was that? His little brother really thought he could play him? 

 

Dean wanted answers, and he was ready to play dirty to have them. He had hoped that driving would have calmed him down, but to have Sam so close, and still sure that he could lie to his brother, the one who taught how to do it in the first place was just fuelling his rage. 

 

He knew his heart was frozen right now, it was since the moment his eyes looked at the small ball of Sam’s clothes on the floor. Dean had been surprised. Sam was always the tidy one, the one ready to kick his ass if he left a single shirt on the floor, so he really was ready to tease Sam for days for his mistake, that was until the moment he saw blood on his clothes. Little drops of blood, and Dean’s world crashed down on him.

 

Sam was attacked. He was hurt, and he lied to him. His mind could think only those things. It was like a chanting mantra in his mind. Someone had hurt his baby brother in the worst possible way, and Sammy, his Sammy, felt he couldn’t come to him, and tell him the truth. He lied to him instead than tell him what really happened. Dean didn’t know his heart could hurt this much. He didn’t know a heart could really break into thousands of tiny little pieces. 

 

Why did Sammy lie to him? Dean needed to know why. What he did so wrong that pushed his little brother to lie to his face, and of course he wanted to know the name of the man who had dared to touch his Sammy. Sam was his. His to protect, and to care for. Sam was his to love, and he wanted to kill anyone who touched what was rightfully his. 

 

“Dean? Are you ok? You‘ve been distant, and quiet all day!”

 

Sam didn’t like to feel Dean like that. He was used to silence from Dean, but only after a hunt when everything they’d just seen, and done hit him hard and Dean needed some space. The silence of his own mind, but to see his big brother doing that on a day when they should have had fun, and relaxed instead was almost physically painful for Sam. 

 

Dean didn’t answer him at once. They were close to the sea, and Dean chose a place to park. The boy found a good place. They could see the sea, and hear the waves, Dean found that sound relaxing and he needed to be calm, or at least a little calmer. 

 

“Dean?”

 

Dean looked at his baby brother, his green eyes dark for the fury of the emotions he was fighting to keep inside. Sam was shocked. Why Dean was looking at him like that? The Dean he was looking at wasn’t his big brother. He was the hunter, the one ready to destroy the world to finish a mission, and it seems that the mission today was Sam himself. 

 

“Why Sammy? Why the hell did you lie to me?”

 

Sam’s world crushed on his head. Dean knew, and he was royally pissed off.


End file.
